We’ve all heard about anal bleaching, but that’s just one of many medical procedures that can give your butt a cosmetic makeover. Longtime gay cultural writer Bryan Moylan spoke with “anal rejuvenation” doctors who offer these procedures, giving us insights into the array of available ass-thetics.
We should mention that while many skilled proctologists and colo-rectal surgeons can treat anus-based medical issues — like abscesses, anal warts, hemorrhoids, fissures and fistulas — many of the procedures listed below are not medically necessary per se and can result in permanent injury, even if done by a skilled professional.
Some of them also cost upwards of $1,500 to $2,500 and can require a two- to three-month healing period of, so do your research before rushing out and renovating your rear.
While some fellas enjoy hairy bottoms, some bottoms prefer to stay smooth because they think it looks and feels better. (A dick can yank out sensitive butt hairs, which can hurt.) The waxing procedure involves first trimming the hair, applying a strip of hot wax directly onto the trimmed area and then ripping it off. Oil and moisturizer can help reduce excess pain and wax afterwards. You’re gonna need it.
2. Anal bleaching
If you want your o-ring to resemble the surrounding skin rather than roast beef, a professional can wax your hole and then apply an acidic lotion to help lighten its pigment. It takes 20 minutes but can require up to 16 visits for darker holes. Also, your hole will eventually return to its non-bleached color as the superficial skin cells die off.
3. Skin tag removal
Skin tags can look a bit like hemorrhoids or anal warts, except that they’re not painful or contagious. Doctors can freeze, burn or cut them off. Lucky you.
4. Anal botox
If your hole is too tight, doctors can inject botox into it, paralyzing the sphincter muscles and making the anus more capable of taking bigger objects — though there’s definitely some objects you should avoid sticking up there.
5. Anal tightening
A loose hole can reduce a top’s sexual sensation or cause poop to accidentally slip out (right, Gwyneth Paltrow?). So some doctors can reduce a hole’s size by removing excess anal tissue with light radio frequencies, lasers, specialized probes or by stimulating collagen production down there, strengthening the connective tissue throughout the hole.