We Taught a Robot How to Speak Like a ‘Drag Race’ Queen, and the Results Will Have You Gagging

Rupaul’s Drag Race: All-Stars is finally back with an eleganza-packed premiere tonight on VH1.  Like so many Drag Racers around the world, my basement is flooded in anticipation. I can’t wait a minute longer. But instead of running to the dark side of Reddit for spoilers and leaked nudes of former cast members, we found something better: a drag robot.

In December, a group a tech-savvy creatives enchanted social media users with a totally absurd new chapter of the Harry Potter series written with Botnik, an open source predictive text app developed by Jamie Brew (former head writer at ClickHole) and Bob Mankoff (former cartoon editor at The New Yorker). I realized that if a robot can learn how to cast spells like a boy wizard, it can figure out how to throw shade like a man in a dress.

drag robot inline

Botnik allows users to upload source text, which the program uses to generate a specialized predictive text keyboard. The keyboard not only captures key vocabulary from the source material, but also the material’s speech cadences and sentence struture To put it plainly, this gig was about to get sickening, hunty, okuuurrrr!

Armed only with episode transcripts, a dream, and help from this programmer named Karl I hook up with sometimes — I set out to transform Botnik into a drag queen. A RuBot! Using the RuBot predictive text keyboard, I generated five off-the-wall imagined interviews with some of your favorite contestants.

So, ladies…start your engines (literally), and may the best RuBot [trails off into the sound of static & a dial-up connection].

 

Interview With a Drag Robot #1: Milkbot

all stars 3 cast milk

Producer: Describe how your drag has evolved since being on the show.

MilkBot: So much missionary. God.

How do you feel about the other All-Stars?

Drag is not a big game, it’s a great body with extra crispy uniqueness.

What challenge do you think you’ll slay?

Misguided banana eleganza. Girl, it’s a party.

What makes you America’s Next Drag Superstar?

Wigs planned by your grandparents.

 

Interview With a Drag Robot #2: Ajabot

all stars 3 cast aja

Producer: Describe how your drag has evolved since being on the show.

AjaBot: My fish is so gay it’s pork.

How do you feel about the other All-Stars?

That bitch coming for my sisters is a big wiener sandwiched in between two Madonnas.

What challenge do you think you’ll slay?

Snapchat filters and secrets about thongs.

What makes you America’s Next Drag Superstar?

So proud of your face. No joke. Honestly. Not.

 

Interview With a Drag Robot #3: Thorgybot

all stars 3 cast thorgy

Producer: Describe how your drag has evolved since being on the show.

ThorgyBot:  Streisand in jail raising hell with underground wordplay.

How do you feel about the other All-Stars?

I mean — they’re wearing pancake cocks and piss.

What challenge do you think you’ll slay?

Skeleton photo jeopardizing yourself — sobs — thank you mama.

What makes you America’s Next Drag Superstar?

Monsters reign ass.

 

Interview With a Drag Robot #4: Shangelabot

all stars 3 cast shangela

Producer: Describe how your drag has evolved since being on the show.

ShangelaBot: Fantastic but also very much the type to make fun of someone like Beyoncé.

How do you feel about the other All-Stars?

Condragulations, you’re unacceptable.

What challenge do you think you’ll slay?

Club like a flamingo, daddy!

What makes you America’s Next Drag Superstar?

Drag Race is the time for me to tell the whole world that I’m a ferocious surgical dong.

 

Interview With a Drag Robot #5: Trixiebot

all stars 3 cast trixie

Producer: Describe how your drag has evolved since being on the show.

TrixieBot: Trash. You wear too much highlighter and that establishes a feminine superego.

How do you feel about the other All-Stars?

Stanky baby sheep. I’m not trying to encourage you. Okay, mister honey?

What challenge do you think you’ll slay?

You know all of these queens die tomorrow. Arty realness.

What makes you America’s Next Drag Superstar?

I drink all the boys and I’m spread with injectables.

Help us interview the rest of the cast! Generate your own ridiculous Drag Race quotes with our RuBot Keyboard on BOTNIK then share the most sickening with us below!  

 

Featured image courtesy of VH1, run through the Deep Dream Generator

  • Zane

    Mother maybelline is not your own rules

  • Ty

    Y’all ain’t brought the runway. category is stars -yes -oh my queens die tomorrow and then i became somebody

  • Carley McGoldrick

    Her bra straps are hanging out of your whole entire ensemble – laughs –

  • Charlie_Jackpot

    Shangelabot didn’t say Halleloo so it’s no so smart

  • hopeja

    last one was Sasha trying to do comedy.