Gay Author Calls For Hetero Wedding Boycott. ‘Do Vegans Frequent Pig Roasts?’

I PICKED up my jangling cellphone one recent Saturday to hear the elated voice of Zachary, my longtime buddy and college classmate. “I just proposed to Caroline,” Zach announced, inviting me to the wedding and angling to plot logistics. “So when are you flying in?”

“Oh, I’m not coming to your wedding,” I said.

It’s true. I’m boycotting all heterosexual weddings.

How utterly absurd to celebrate an institution that I am banned from in most of the country. It puzzles me, truth be told, that wedding invitations deluge me. Does a vegan frequent summer pig roasts? Do devout evangelicals crash couple-swapping parties? Do undocumented immigrants march in Minuteman rallies?

Heterosexual ladies and gentlemen, please. Don’t mail me that wedding invitation. It’s going straight to the bin.

Searching for Whitopia: An Improbable Journey to the Heart of White America author Rich Benjamin calls on LGBT Americans to boycott heterosexual weddings this summer, regardless of who is marrying. “Yes, our boycott may bruise some feelings. But then again, our inability to participate in this institution is hurtful and bruising, too.”

Via NYT

  • Anonymous

    I had a big long comment written and then I noticed the banner ad at the top of the article is for “WeddingPaperDivas”…
    Hmmm.

  • Bryan Kieft

    there a bunch of problems with that analogy. Vegans choose their food, the point of a pig roast is for everyone to eat pig (and some vegans probably do go and not eat pig) at a wedding it’s just the particular couple getting married and other issues…

  • Unless the people getting married are actively against civil rights, there’s really no point to boycotting their wedding. It seems pretty immature to not attend a friend or family member’s wedding, especially if they’ve been supporting you in your own fights.

  • Anonymous

    I think this is a good idea, but if other’s don’t feel comfortable that’s their business, and they don’t have to do it.   

  • Ariel B. Dreamfalling

    That kind of boycotting doesn’t make sense. Why punish your own friends and family for something that isn’t even their fault? (unless of course they’re not ok with who you are as a person to which point you probably wouldn’t be attending their wedding gatherings anyway) A practice in intolerance only breeds more intolerance. So I say celebrate LOVE and celebrate LIFE with your friends and family who do have the chance to share their happiness with you. We may not have marriage equality at the moment but it’s coming. The more we can share and engender love in all its forms the closer we are to reaching that place in life we all want to be in!

  • Wow. These are your friends… That’s awful. I thought this was about the courage of allies to delay weddings until marriage equality exists for everyone. Which is still asking a lot… But I know that my marriage would only be cheapened by bigotry. That’s not the marriage I want.

    And how does he propose this makes a difference, holding it over his friends’ heads as if it is THEIR fault? What can come of it? “Mister President! The gays aren’t attending weddings! We must create marriage equality NOW!”

  • Anonymous

    That is the most ridiculous idea for a boycott I’ve ever heard.  I would never disrespect my beloved friends and family members.  The ban on gay marriage has nothing to do with them.  It also wouldn’t have any effect on gay marriage.  It’s selfish and childish.  

  • You know, I’m a woman married to a man, and I can see Mr. Benjamin’s point. I am blessed with the friendship of many couples, some gay, some not. We all have love in common, and I don’t get why that’s not enough. If marriage doesn’t mean a loving partnership between committed adults, it doesn’t mean anything. Including my marriage. In other words, for me, NOT allowing gay marriage is threatening the “sanctity” of the institution. 

  • Anonymous

    I read the entire editorial this past Sunday and felt as several other commenters do — that such a boycott serves little more than projecting a petulant, whiny, poor-is-me attitude onto the very people who support and are allies in the quest for equality. It’s preaching to the choir. What’s the point of that?

    Show up with your partner, or hot date and be OUT and be PRESENT. Enter the throng and be felt and be seen. What a great opportunity to discuss marriage equality — at a marriage celebration — duh! Who’s going to argue with you? Attend and be prepared –no, armed — with plenty of opportunities to get others involved in the struggle for marriage equality. A calendar of events with a personal invitation from you will fit nicely on both sides of a 3×5 card and fifty of them will slide conveniently into the inside pocket of your jacket. Come to ENGAGE others! We need all the warm bodies we can muster.

    Staying away and “punishing” through a boycott really only creates resentment among the very ones we want to have warm and supportive feelings toward us. Deliver the little speech to the groom, if you must, by saying that your first instinct is to boycott the wedding. But then in the great generosity of your heart, you can show your willingness to sacrifice your feelings for their joy — just as long as they support your recruiting other attendees for marriage equality. Jeez, strike a deal and take advantage of the situation.

    Ask for a bit of time to speechify during the toasts. Get the wedding couple’s blessing to back you in promoting the marriage equality discussion. Dozens and dozens of opportunities to make good, meaningful, useful and purposeful connections are lost by boycotting. Spite will not win others over, Mr. Benjamin. Your boycott diminishes the cause and unnecessarily delays our ultimate victory for marriage equality. I urge you to reconsider.

  • Anieh Yohbadad

    Weddings aren’t just about marriage, they’re about family and friends gathering together and spending time together. I’d rather not ditch the opportunity to see, experience, and participate in all of my friends and family members celebrating together, especially since weddings often mean seeing people who you wouldn’t otherwise. It seems to me that going and then making sure that people are conscientious of the fact that marriage equality hasn’t happened yet is better than isolating yourself, especially if you’re half of a same-sex couple. Imagine showing up at a wedding with your same-sex partner — your presence alone, as well as possible comments about not being afforded the same opportunities as the couple in question, could have a great impact.

  • Thomas Baggett

    Fighting intolerance with mirrored intolerance doesn’t help any cause.   

  • Adam Kuglin

    Yeah, I don’t get how avoiding the thing we want for ourselves at all sells the message. I’m to be a groomsman in a friend’s wedding next spring, and I cannot imagine saying “no, not until I can get married, too.” As if it were in some way my friend’s fault that we have not yet achieved marriage equality. What an unfair punishment for someone who has been my friend for almost 15 years, and comes down firmly in favor of equality for the homos. 

  • William Bellanger

    I might consider it…If I wasn’t choreographing their first dance…curse my career XD

  • I would say that it is the straight couples who should be boycotting.  How many of our heterosexual friends are willing to stay ‘single-but-committed’ until we have equality?  Maybe if our straight friends and family stop paying billions of dollars on their legal weddings the industry and people making a profit will get the hint.

  • Cc

    I say why not? I will take ANY excuse not to go to all my inbreeding cousins’ country-as-all-heck shotgun weddings in Hicksville!

  • Good point, but then, if they were actively against civil rights, why would the person in question be receiving an invite in the first place?  I know that, if someone from WBC is getting married, I’m not on their mailing list for invitations, so it’s easy to “boycott” then.

    That aside, I agree with the crux of your statement, that “boycotting” the wedding of a relative or close friend is far more immature than “taking a stance”.

  • Gillianne Rountree

    I’m all for abstaining from my own wedding/marriage for the sake of support for gay marriage, but completely against shunning those who choose to wed whether they be hetero or gay couples.  *SMH*

  • Timothy

    This is making a statement to the wrong people, methinks…

  • Purple_Zebra

    I love my family and friends. I want to be there to share in their special day. It is not their fault that our gov’ment…which claims to be all about freedom and equality…is just a big fat liar.

  • Purple_Zebra

    IF your family and friends are biggots who believe you don’t have a *right* to get married….you wouldn’t want to attend their stinking wedding anyway.