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Here Are Those ‘Star Wars’ Porn Parodies You Secretly Wanted

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Now that Star Wars: Rogue One has hit the theatre, it’s worth revisiting Men.com’s Star Wars porn parody!

Admit it, you naughty nerd. You’ve always wanted Star Wars porn and now Satan, err, we mean Santa has brought you two: one is real and the other is fake.

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How much Star Wars imagery you can use before getting sued?

This last Christmas, Men.com (makers of such fine titles as Dick Barber, Son Swap and My New Stepdad Is A Pervert) released Star Wars: A Gay XXX Parody modeled after the original sci-fi trilogy.

In one scene, Obi-Wand* gives “light saber training” to young Luke Skyhumper; in the second, Hand Solo does a duo with Luke. In another, Girth Vader bests Hand Solo with his mighty (meaty?) light saber. We totally made up all these character names, but seeing as Vader and Solo never humped each other in the original films, grant us some creative license.

Also, the fact that Vader isn’t played by a black dude is unforgivable — c’mon… the dark side??!! Total missed opportunity. And we’re hoping that Prince Laya might make an appearance at some point as well.

Anyway, nerd-out over the totally-SFW porn parody trailer below:

And if you’re into women, hop over to planet Dagobah and Tatooine for some yummy Yoda and busty Bib Fortuna action. They’re waiting to fulfill all your galactic fantasies at 1-900-HOT-JEDI.

Oh we called the number, but our phone isn’t authorized to make such calls — thanks, mom. So we settled for the fake commercial’s outtakes which was half-amusing yet offensive, kinda like the Star Wars prequels. And if after all this you’re still itching for some Star Wars-themed phone sex, you can always check out the Wookie phone sex hotline — it’s a hair-raising good time!

(article originally published on Dec. 12, 2015)