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Homophobia Immersion Therapy: Lowering Patient Into Tank Of Gays

the onion, spoof news, gay news, circuit party, foam party, ex-gay
Take two of these and call me in the morning.

BOSTON—During a widely publicized press conference at the Boston University School of Medicine Friday, researchers announced a breakthrough new technique that cures homophobia by immersing patients in a large glass tank overflowing with gays. “Rather than avoid one’s fear of homosexual men, we believe it’s crucial to face it head on,” behavioral psychologist Dr. Dolph Kleineman told reporters, explaining how homophobic subjects are hooked up to a harness and lowered into a room containing bare-chested men dancing suggestively to the latest club hits, kissing, and feeding one another strawberries. “So far the treatment has been successful, with early test subjects being able to go out into the real world and see a gay couple hold hands without making a bigoted remark.” When asked if there was a risk of subjects getting stuck in the tank of writhing men, Kleineman said the gays would be so oiled up that patients would have no trouble slipping in and out.

God, sometimes The Onion just absolutely nails it!

  • If only it were true…  I know a few guys that I’d sign up for this treatment.  Maybe then they’d get over themselves?

  • Carmen Equality Smith

    this is just weird!

  • Dang it.  Now I want to suddenly become homophobic!  (Oooh, The Onion, you’ve tricked me again!)

  • Ashley Valencia

    LMAO! Gotta love the onion. 😀

  • I jump in it ^_^

  • ShowMeGuy

    Too awesome.  Love it.
    Happy LGBT Pride Month from *The Onion*  ; p

  • Anonymous

    Love it!

  • Time to start developing a case of Homophobia. 😀

  • Anonymous

    I can’t stand them dirty little cocksuckers,now where’s this frickin harness thing and are ya sure the crane won’t tip with me hangin off it.

  • mad people and there dortor keineman he is  really keinman as name means in german language

  • Luinne D’Llard

    How do I get a prescription for this? ♥

  • That’s What I am saying.. shoot I’d take a strawberry or two!! =D

  • Donnie Hollandale

     F*ing hilarious!

  •  sounds like someone wants to be in a tank full of men take me with you

  •  wow just wow should be practiced more