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Is It Adultery If I’m Committing It at One End, and He’s Committing It at the Other End of That Same Guy?

“Is it adultery if I’m committing it at one end of a guy, and he’s committing it at the other end of that same guy?”

-Dan Savage

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  • Anonymous

    Marriage is and should be about loving another person completely. Sex outside the marriage ruins that intimacy and bond between the couple, in my opinion. And if you know you’re going to want sex with other people so badly, it’s probably not the best idea to get bet married in the first place.

  • Anonymous

    The social norms of sexuality and marriage are constantly changing and cycling unsimultaneously across the globe depending on what the popular beliefs of each social group is.  There are places today that still believe men should have multiple wives or even concubines.  In some cultures, pedophilia is considered an acceptable form of “teaching” like it was in Ancient Greece.  And what about those swingers?  Sexuality is a morality issue and nobody has the exact same moral view as anyone else.  Couples and married couples should commit to the boundaries that best suit them and be honest about them. That being said: 

    With Gay Marriage becoming more and more acceptable, gay couples feel the need to prove that they can commit in the same way that straight couples can.  This seems to be increasing the rate of monogamy among gay couples. 

    In the 1970s, gay men used sex as a way to unify as a whole.  Sex became a way (for many) to feel a closeness that they could not obtain from their family, a form of acceptance.  This is very different today. 

  • I think its different for every couple.  Historically speaking monogamy (at least for men) is a relatively recent cultural invention. For millennia men weren’t ever expected to be monogamous and it was a common occurrence for them to have extra-marital affairs.  Sex outside of the relationship CAN ruin intimacy, especially if there is an expectation of monogamy. But if the rules are clearly defined and the communication is happening intimacy is established through other channels outside of just sex. 

  • Lonny Parr

    I think it’s romantic; married couples making sandwiches (in bed).. as the Hunt’s (r) ad put it so well:  a sandwich is a sandwich but a manwich is a meal

  • Lonny Parr

    Just have to say that this is a very American take on the institution. Whereas, throughout the rest of the planet, the mythical monogomous male is a socially accepted rarity
    Although i have been in a monogomous relationship for the past 18 years, this does not mean that my preference must be the template for all humankind. That would be completely unrealistic.

  • Anonymous

    That’s hysterical!

  • Anonymous

    Ludicrous to imagine with almost 7 billion people on the planet there is only ONE way to have a relationship. Especially when it’s historically, and even today, the exception and not the rule. Be honest with each and figure out what works best for the two (or more) of you. When it comes to relationships the only “normal” is that there is no “normal.”

  • Anonymous

    I do agree that it’s different for every couple and every culture. I just think the American view of marriage as a thing of fidelity and completeness with one person is a beautiful and special thing that really demonstrates love for a person. Obviously, not every marriage works perfectly and things do change, but I think it’s a lot harder to get to establish that kind of connection with one person if you anticipate having relationship(s) with other people as well.

  • Chris Lange

    Way to go Dan — great way to summarize how I feel about relationships in such a short amount of time. It either works for you or it doesn’t — definitely works for me and my partner.

  • Tara A

    For me growing up I had a problem with sharing and now as an adult the only problem I have with sharing is if it would involve sharing my boyfriend penis with other women. Thankful though I don’t have that problem.

  • I seriously haven’t laughed that hard in the longest time. That was so hilarious. The audiences reaction was priceless.

  • I was delighted to hear this, as someone in a nonmonogamous marriage.. but “women should realize what men are like?” Women cheat just as often, according to research, as men. Little known fact: women love sex. Sometimes with other women. Even when they’re married to a man. It has nothing to do with a person’s gender, and EVERYTHING to do with human nature.
    …now, I’m going to send this to the couple I’m dating. They’ll think it’s awesome.