Is My Boyfriend Gay If He Watches Gay Porn

Straight Woman Asks Advice Columnist, ‘Is My Boyfriend Gay If He Watches Gay Porn?”

In her advice column for The Washington Post, Carolyn Hoax answers a straight woman’s query about her boyfriend’s gay porn watching habits and whether it may mean that he’s gay. The straight woman basically asks, “Is my boyfriend gay if he watches gay porn?”

The advice-seeker says, “While he struggles to use terms such as ‘gay,’ ‘straight’ or ‘bisexual,’ he has shared things with me that suggest attraction to men — exploring gay porn, pointing out men he finds attractive, watching a plethora of LGBT films — but it has never been acted on whatsoever.”

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On the surface, the answer may seem like an obvious, “Yes.” But honestly, when was the last time a gay man watched straight porn? Did that make them straight per se? No. Then again, most gay men watch straight porn to admire the man in the situation, whereas in gay porn there’s no woman in the situation for a straight man to lust over. So maybe the answer is a bit clearer.

But aren’t we also living during a time when sexuality is fluid enough that porn-watching habits don’t have to define one’s sexuality?

There’s a lot more to this situation than just his gay porn-watching habits and his affinity for films like Call Me By Your Name, as the girlfriend paints a portrait of a confused man who was raised in an anti-gay, ultra-religious household.

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“He was raised in a fairly strict Catholic household, and when his brother came out as gay, it was ugly. The dust has since settled, but the situation reinforced the family’s stance,” she shares.

Hoax’s answer is a bit complicated, but we think she’s telling the woman to leave. She responds:

This very relationship, exactly as you’re living it, has set off your alarms. Your impulse to stick with it as you dig for and identify the problem is an admirable one; you’re not looking at him or your feelings for him as disposable. However, at some point the exact nature of the problem becomes irrelevant and all that matters is its tenacity.

If you’re still not ready to leave: Please promise you won’t take this conflicted person’s word for it (or anyone’s) that urges have “never been acted on whatsoever.” You can love and sympathize with and even trust someone and still be mindful that people in torment sometimes act selfishly in ways they never otherwise would.

 

Images courtesy of lolostock

  • Rocket Doc

    Is “Hoax” a Freudian slip, or intended as ironic criticism? The chick’s name is Hax, which is ironic enough by itself for a newspaper scribe.