Italian Willy Wonka, Who Invented Nutella, Dies Italy’s Richest Man with $23.4 Billion

There is an upside to obesity. But the benefits go to the pushers, not the junkies wandering the racks of the local 7-11. The richest man in Italy died yesterday, and it wasn’t an Agnelli of Fiat fame or Berlusconi of Bunga Bunga fame, but the chocolatier who invented Nutella. This shouldn’t have been as much of a surprise as it was. One of the richest families in the world are the Mars siblings, who’s sales of M&Ms and Milky Ways have put $41.4 billion into their pockets.

This is not to say that Michele Ferrero, who whipped chocolate, hazelnuts, eggs and tic tac sweets into $9 billion a year in sales, was a bad man. That would be like bitch-slapping a hooker with a heart of gold because she sometimes fucks old men to death. They died happy. And so to do the millions of people who lives were enriched by a Nutella crepe, me among them.

But make no mistake, this estate should be subject to a sin tax, as should the estates of those families who profit from cigarettes, booze and gambling. Thirty five percent of Americans are clinically obese, costing the United States $117 billion a year in medical costs and loss of future earnings when they die early; to say nothing of the emotional costs to a daughter who’s dead dad can’t walk her down the aisle.

Taxing the estates of those who benefit from this obesicide could go a small way to repaying their $117 billion a year debt they owe to the citizens of the United States.

image1