men who love men

Men Who Love Men But Who Don’t Want to Be Called ‘Gay’ Are Now Opting for This Odd Label

This post is also available in: Spanish Portuguese French Thai Chinese (Traditional) Turkish

Men who love men but who don’t identify with the LGBTQ community have come up with a new word to describe themselves, as a new interview with the BBC brings to light.

“I think ‘homosexual’ is a bit clinical, and lots of people use it negatively,” Nicolas Chinardet says.  “‘Gay’ has a certain lifestyle attached to it, which I don’t recognize myself in.”

Chinardet doesn’t relate to what he calls “the clichés you could attach to the ‘gay’ scene”. A club photographer, he says unless he’s working, “I don’t go clubbing. I don’t like shopping.”

RELATED | How Straight Men Can Have ‘Bud-Sex’ Together and Not Be Gay

Chinardet came up with an alternative term to describe himself as a man who finds other men sexually attractive: androphile. He created the term with his knowledge of the Greek language, putting two words together – the prefix “andro”, meaning man, and “phile”, denoting love for something.

Explaining the word’s definition, Chinardet said: “It’s a polite, nonspecific way to ask what a certain person is attracted to. An androphilic man is homosexual, while an androphilic woman is heterosexual.”

The word has been co-opted by another young gay men who also identities as alt-right.  Henning Diesel is a right-wing libertarian who lives near Hamburg, Germany. He also rejects the word “gay” and has begun to identify, too, as androphile.

“Gay is part of the LGBT+ world that I never see myself as part of,” the 37 year-old explains.

He explains that he doesn’t identify with “gay music, like Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande and Miley Cyrus” and “gay TV and movies, like Queer As Folk.”

RELATED | These Alt-Right Douchebags Are Upset That You Kill Nazis in the New ‘Wolfenstein’ Video Game

Henning admits to being “sort of associated with the alt-right,” and he regularly shares alt-right memes, as well as videos and tweets created by figures in the alt-right movement.

“My sexual orientation is homosexual,” he says. He describes his personality as having “typically male characteristics like courage or diligence — very traditional aspects.”

  • CeeBee

    Aww..I always like it when people try to see how much they can dance on the head of a pin.

  • Dan Gray

    Talk about internalized homophobia. You can be gay and use the term gay and not like clubbing or shopping, or turn your back on YOUR COMMUNITY

  • Jerry Vanhulle

    The LGBT+ community was the one that fought, protested, bled and died to move us closer to equality and acceptance. Life in the 90’s as LGBT was pretty rough, and the generations before mine had it even harder. The reason you have the privilege to talk so openly about who you are and your same sex attraction is because of the work done before you. Also, the spectrum of what it means to be “gay”,”Bi”,”lesbian” or “Trans” is as varied as the individuals that make up those groups.

    People go on and on about how the gay “scene” does not describe who they are and they reject it. News flash everyone, the gay “scene” is based around bars and clubs and isn’t representative of what being gay is.

    My gay is a 21 year monogamous relationship with my husband that I met when we were in our late teens. We are gamers, and we love comic books and D&D. We love cooking, and baking. We have an adopted Son in his mid 20’s that still lives with us and we are raising his son. The making of his son is what got him kicked out of his home and what moved him into ours. We eat dinner at night together and watch television together. Our lives are quiet and fairly simple. I love going out now and again to a fun little gay bar and having drinks with friends, but that is just a small piece of my life. I know many other LGBT+ people that live very different lives from my own, and that is what gay looks like for them.

    Before you go out and piece together some Latin to come up with a word to describe how amazingly unique and different you are, stop and look around you. Open your eyes and your mind a little and see all the diversity that exists in the words that are already in place.

  • HeyYouKidsGetOffMyLawn

    How terribly refreshing. I’m sure this is NOTHING like the other 987,498,678,456,012 times some GAY man has tried to disassociate himself from the parts of his identity that make him or others uncomfortable.

    “But really….I’m not one of them!!” Except for when there’s a cock in your mouth, that is.

  • Jess B

    Amen!

  • Andy

    “Male characteristics – courage and diligence”

    Seriously?

  • Alain Tremblay

    Shaking my head. Let’s go create more damn labels, sure, why not?

  • What a surprise that Alt Right needs its own label because otherwise they would have to target their own!
    Call yourself whatever you want and we’ll still call it as we see it, Mary!
    All this shopping and clubbing and watching Queer as Folk gets tired after a while too.

  • Chip Ware

    Honestly, they are right. We are different, but not in the way they think. They are ashamed of the rest of us, but we are not ashamed of them… that’s how we are different. But as long as they get down on their knees and do a little more than praying, they are all my sisters. And I love each and every one of them. (Inspired by the film “Flawless”)

  • spookymotion

    Poor kid 🙁
    Please come back after about 5-10 more years of experience.

  • KuriGohan

    Being gay or homosexual doesn’t mean you have to be a stereotype! And this talk of distancing from the wider LGBT+ community seems to be another indicator of the problem that has arisen in a number of gay men remaining transphobic, unsupportive of equal rights of other homosexuals, dismissive of bisexuality and pansexuality, and basically being almost as bad as those who are entirely homophobic.

    Remember, your sexuality does not define your personality.

    You should also at the very least be respectful of the LGBT+ community as they have and continue to fight for gay rights as well as other issues. Remember it was a trans woman who initiated Stonewall. She was the spark that helped ignite the movement for equal rights for all the LGBT+ community which we are all still fighting for now.

  • Brandon Smith

    Why do you need a label for your sexual attraction? I like both, i don’t, nor have i ever felt the need to “come out” to anyone, or identify with anything. What i do with whoever i do it with in a bedroom has no part being a defining aspect of who i am as a person.

    Being a man doesn’t mean i have to like cars as much as liking a dick doesn’t mean i need to wear a dress or change my voice pitch -.-

  • Bobby Lucas

    I love to “suck” “cock” but henceforth I shall now say “mouth-moisten” “roosters”… Thank you. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! C***!!

  • Phillip Brandt

    a rose is a rose, no matter what you call it. By this definition, Gay men and Straight women are androphiles. Kind of stupid.

  • Bjoernar Dohm

    “Typically male characteristics like courage or diligence”?

  • Tom

    Jerry, I very much appreciate your insight and viewpoint. I share it. Being a 50-something gay man – and yes, I most definitely identify as a G. A. Y. man I second everything you’ve said, especially on the historical and cultural arc to gay history.

    I also appreciate the simple, honest, down to earth, real life you and your husband and family live. Clearly, you’re a part of the secret gay agenda and “master plan” to take over the world (i.e. through the cunning strategy of living a rewarding, average, family-centered life and to make matters worse, being great neighbors as well).

    Oh, and nice try with the “new” term “androphile”. It would do Mr. Chinardet some good to read some history of the gay moment, paying especially close attention to the pre-Stonewall period from say the 1930’s to the late 60’s and early 70’s when the term homophile (homo – same and phile – loving) was in vogue. I actually have a close personal friend, born in the 30’s who still uses it occasionally. Gay and especially queer came into wide use later during the hight of the civil rights movement, which has has all but fallen out of use today except when used in a gay, politically-charged context.

    While I applaud Mr. Chinardet and anyone else who does the hard work of serious self-examination to better understand themselves, were I to be having a conversation with him face-to-face, I would lovingly, KNOWINGLY, and yes, respectfully say, “Oh, honey… good for you. I’m glad you’re figuring it out.

    Many, many, MANY a gay man – and woman has gone down this road. The path to self-awareness and self-acceptance is long and has many twists and turns. Just keep going, pay attention, be smart, be kind, learn as much as you can, live your life and carve out as much happiness as you can, but don’t think, for a minute, your starting point didn’t come at an enormous cost that was bought and paid for by generations of men and women who came before you, because it was.

    You might not be political, you may not be a stereotype (although I suspect you’re the stereotype of the moment), you might not go to gay bars, cruise on grindr, whatever, but, like it or not, you are gay, at least in the broadest sense of the word and to claim otherwise is just lying to yourself, so just stop that right now.

    Sorry, but you don’t get to enjoy the benefits afforded you by a deep, rich, amazing culture while simultaneously distancing yourself from it. It just doesn’t work that way and it’s a great way to insult and piss off a whole lot of people.

    So, dear Nicolas, be happy and live your best life – truly, but don’t think you’re mapping uncharted territory because you’re not.

  • Tom

    I posted this in response to an earlier post, but I share it now hoping to provoke some thought and hopefully respectful comments.

    Jerry, I very much appreciate your insight and viewpoint. I share it. Being a 50-something gay man – and yes, I most definitely identify as a G. A. Y. man I second everything you’ve said, especially on the historical and cultural arc to gay history.

    I also appreciate the simple, honest, down to earth, real life you and your husband and family live. Clearly, you’re a part of the secret gay agenda and “master plan” to take over the world (i.e. through the cunning strategy of living a rewarding, average, family-centered life and to make matters worse, being great neighbors as well).

    Oh, and nice try with the “new” term “androphile”. It would do Mr. Chinardet some good to read some history of the gay moment, paying especially close attention to the pre-Stonewall period from say the 1930’s to the late 60’s and early 70’s when the term homophile (homo – same and phile – loving) was in vogue. I actually have a close personal friend, born in the 30’s who still uses it occasionally. Gay and especially queer came into wide use later during the hight of the civil rights movement, which has has all but fallen out of use today except when used in a gay, politically-charged context.

    While I applaud Mr. Chinardet and anyone else who does the hard work of serious self-examination to better understand themselves, were I to be having a conversation with him face-to-face, I would lovingly, KNOWINGLY, and yes, respectfully say, “Oh, honey… good for you. I’m glad you’re figuring it out.

    Many, many, MANY a gay man – and woman has gone down this road. The path to self-awareness and self-acceptance is long and has many twists and turns. Just keep going, pay attention, be smart, be kind, learn as much as you can, live your life and carve out as much happiness as you can, but don’t think, for a minute, your starting point didn’t come at an enormous cost that was bought and paid for by generations of men and women who came before you, because it was.

    You might not be political, you may not be a stereotype (although I suspect you’re the stereotype of the moment), you might not go to gay bars, cruise on grindr, whatever, but, like it or not, you are gay, at least in the broadest sense of the word and to claim otherwise is just lying to yourself, so just stop that right now.

    Sorry, but you don’t get to enjoy the benefits afforded you by a deep, rich, amazing culture while simultaneously distancing yourself from it. It just doesn’t work that way and it’s a great way to insult and piss off a whole lot of people.

    So, dear Nicolas, be happy and live your best life – truly, but don’t think you’re mapping uncharted territory because you’re not.

  • Victor Sweatman

    ‘Would a rose , by any other name smell as sweet?’

  • Scott Mattson

    How amazing!!! I wonder where he got the idea from?!? What is this super power? –> “He created the term with his knowledge of the Greek language, putting two words together”

  • JasonRMJ (جاسون)

    Homos like me don’t automatically join the community since birth. It’s a choice to join the community…

  • Steve

    Really? I am not into clubbing or shopping either, so what? This is .. kind of offensive…

  • Mr-DJ

    Well you can certainly tell he is Alt-Right, buying into the stereotypes, and buying into the need for labels (which he wants you to think he DIS-likes) by creating yet another one that is clearly meant to ‘separate’.

  • nick

    Wow… this androphiley-faggot has issues. Not every gay person goes “clubbing” or “likes shopping” and many of us certainly don’t make a living as a photographer AT those scenes. Save the internalized “andro-phobia” and have some respect for our community, Andy. What a douche…

  • Devon Delacroix

    “Chinardet came up with an alternative term to describe himself as a man who finds other men sexually attractive: androphile. He created the term with his knowledge of the Greek language, putting two words together – the prefix “andro”, meaning man, and “phile”, denoting love for something.”

    In addition to not wanting to be seen as gay, he apparently doesn’t have access to the internet. The term androphile was coined by sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld in the early 20th century.

  • Elfwitch

    Didn’t realize that courage or diligence were male only traits.

  • Peter C

    He most certainly did not invent the word, which goes back to at least 1908, although he may not have ever heard of it before he used it.

  • Walter Thompson III

    A rose by any other name is still a rose? Baby please!

  • Loves the term androphile

    The time has come to identify for.. your.. LIFE! Good luck and DON’T f*ck it up!

  • Reagan’s Ghost

    If the LGBT ‘community’ asks for people to respect 67 or 71 or however many genders and otherkins we are up to today, then we need to respect people who don’t seek to identify with stereotypically ‘gay’ preferences especially as portrayed in media including art, music, socializing, interests, politics, behavior etc. No one should control our identity – I thought that’s what liberation was really all about?

  • professormouse

    You can call yourself anything when you leave !

  • bayhuntr

    He sounds like your typical entitled obnoxious libertarian. Guess what fool, I don’t like most of those things that you call “gay” but I’m still a gay man, basically meaning I share the same life experiences other men and women with same-sex attractions and what they’ve had to deal with in life.

  • Michael S. Miller

    “The word has been co-opted by another young gay men who also identities as alt-right.” What, did you write this shit on your iPhone between Grindr hookups?

  • tedbaldwin

    I think the term i will use to refer to my gay ass is “Ted”.

  • Greek Pig

    he didn’t create the term – he stole it from the greatest gay rights activist of the 20th century, the man who truly got the ball rolling, was an ardent feminist and anti-nazi, and coined the term (and “transvestite”, and “pedophile”) in the 1920’s – magnus hirschfield. he is revered in europe, was referred to as the einstein of sex.

  • SKraus1966

    This is dangerously close to diagnosing “being gay or homosexual” as some sort of disease like a pedophile or a zoophile ! I refuse to be shamed into thinking my behavior is some deviant sounding disease, because a few men are insecure and don’t get that being gay encompasses many different identities. Clubbing is but one aspect of being gay and certainly not every gay enjoys clubbing. If you want to add another label to yourself, go ahead; but don’t pretend to speak up for a whole population, just to justify your inability to deal with a perceived label definition.

  • Jeff Rittenour

    Well that mustache is certainly GAY, it knows where it stands.

  • Ray Ingram

    If you don’t feel that the comunnity is your community, Then disassociate away!

  • Adrian

    I kinda understand them though in a way.

  • tedhayes

    Sex-role stereotyping.

  • tedhayes

    Yep. Reap all the benefits and accept none of the responsibilities.

  • Padre Rucifero

    One can be gay and not identify with stereotypical gay things. I’ve been doing it for most of my life. This dude is a fucking idiot.

  • DC

    then why not androsexual?

  • bizoune

    This… All of it!

  • bizoune

    I’m very gay and not at all part of the “Gay scene” thing. I can’t stand Lady Gaga and Madonna and handbag house, circuit parties. I don’t understand the bear scene or the drag scene or all the devising stereotype but I’ll always be gay and proud of it. Deal with it!!

  • Spock is Here

    Sounds even worse by far if ou ask me

  • Michael Arentz

    So… He’s got a problem with being considered “gay”, but prefers a word that will undoubtedly be compared to “pedophile”. Nice.

  • David Thaler

    I can’t wait to see how you’ll redefine “ass fucker.” “Anal penetrator” perhaps? Or if you’re a bottom, “anal penetration recipient.”

  • Riley Silverman

    “Androphile” because “One of the good ones” was too wordy.

  • Of course alt-right GAYS would want to separate themselves from the LGBTQ+ Community who gave them the rights they have…

  • Ted Kosta

    Bravo!

  • Alexis Kastratovic

    thanks for putting out such a vile & homophobic article on the website for a fucking gay app you nasty fucks.

  • Jara Matthews

    If youre too much a coward to admit youre every bit as gay as everyone else, you arent even a man.
    Get your head straight.
    You are the enemy.
    You subscribe to heterosuperiority and sissyphobia.
    You arent worthy of sexual gratification. Youre a little baby, so consumed with what others think of you that you cant even stand with your own people. Gay is not synonymous with clubbing or shopping. It means male attracted to male, ie: YOU.
    You are too small to stand against injustice and FOR truth.
    Youre a coward that isnt worthy of my time or energy.

  • Jara Matthews

    if not for those of us who wore the “gay” label proudly, itd be the same now as back then
    and all these cowards would be married to women, eating pussy and jacking off in the dark.

    If you arent strong enough to speak truth, your voice isnt worth listening to. Its a shame these lost children were given this platform. Give it to real men.

  • Jara Matthews

    joining the community?
    what does that mean.
    Being gay means you ARE the gay community.
    I dont club or shop. I dont like broadway.
    I AM gay.
    The gay community is not people who engage in certain activities.
    Its EVERYONE THAT IS GAY, ie: YOU.
    You ARE the gay community.
    I am the gay community.

  • Jara Matthews

    Translation :
    Get the fuck out!
    You arent worthy of speaking to me, coward.

  • Mike Towsley

    Or the Gay Family…

  • matthewrettenmund

    Get over it, you’re gay. Gay isn’t about shopping, unless you mean “shopping” for male love and/or sex.

  • Morgan Dominy

    In other news, I don’t want to be called fat. I prefer baconphile.

  • JasonRMJ (جاسون)

    I don’t really share many commonality with the “community”, even though I’m gay….

  • abraxiandeleter

    That would be the alt-right part of his identity.

  • Stephen Veit

    So you don’t like stereotypes, who does? The problem isn’t that your gay, it’s that you’re alt right and filled with self loathing. I don’t like clubbing or shopping either and I’m gay and so are you; closets are for clothes.

  • Stephen Veit

    We all share one commonality and that is we are attracted to the same sex and not the opposite sex, gay. All the rest is subjective to our nurture and nature.

  • Stephen Veit

    Retreating from the word just gives it power over you

  • Charles Mather

    It’s still a label

  • playfuldreamer

    “I attributed negative connotations to a descriptive word and since I don’t want to be described by the connotation I’ve created, I’m going to use a different word that basically means the same thing.”

    F–k off back to Kekistan, Henning, you special snowflake.

  • Charles Johnson

    Polyglotonous? Now we(‘ve) circle …’d ’round to Hebrew… homo’ andro(s)& phile/philia all Hellenic/greeky words…sex’ sexua, may be Latin but … As for the rest of the comment/reply, spot on, thanks @Jerry Vanhulle! Amen, indeed jess 😉