Reporter ‘Gives Up Gay’ For One Month

Vice Magazine reporter (Re: not a gay blog) Jamie Taete cooked up a Lenten-esque socio-sexual experiment and decided to give up his gayness for a month. Everything from his home furnishings, laundry habits and use of conditioner was transformed into a Bizarro World heterosexual reflection of what it used to be.

Thanks to religion and the fact that certain people find butt sex “totally gross,” being gay can sometimes be a huge bummer. Due to this, there are some who would like to “leave the lifestyle.” But can this be done? Were we “born this way,” or do we have a choice?

It turns out, no. No, we don’t. But hey, you already knew that. Doesn’t stop us from enjoying Taete’s hilarious experiment though!

Because I live in England and not some developing country like Nigeria, Iran, or the USA, I was unable to locate a church that would perform a gay exorcism on me (lame), or even find one with strong antihomosexual leanings. My best bet was an organization called the Christian Revival Church that, according to their website, believes “in heterosexual relationships between a natural man and a natural woman within the confines of lawful matrimony. Adherence to this stated principle of sexual behavior is an inherent requirement of membership.”

It’s been a while since I’ve attended a church service, and they’ve really upped their game since my last visit. For starters, it was held inside a cinema with big La-Z-Boy seats and a Starbucks in the lobby.

Instead of the congregation singing hymnals from a book, a guy with gelled hair and dog tags hanging around his neck led a band that played MGMT and Arcade Fire rip-offs with religious lyrics that scrolled across the movie screen like it was a karaoke party for Jesus. The talking part was as boring as ever, but weirdly, the topic of discussion in my final week was Sodom and Gomorrah. Was this a sign from God?

I also started praying regularly, which I’d never done before. At first it was a total snoozefest, but eventually I got used to it and it was kind of nice to have ten minutes of quiet time each night.

Effectiveness: 1 out of 10 again. I was going to burn in hell forever, I guess.

Taete’s other categories (Regaining My Masculinity, Abstinence, and Reparative Therapy) are equally deserving of your attention. Puh-leeze give the rest of the article a read HERE.

What do you think of Taete’s socio-pseudo-sexual experiment? Could you give up your gayness for a month? For an hour? Thoughts?

Via Vice

  • When I was younger, I used to tell myself — and then others, once I’d come out — that if gay was a choice, I’d change my mind in a heartbeat.  After all, who would choose to be ridiculed, tortured, disowned, and denied basic human rights simply to be with someone of the same sex?

    Granted, I’m older and wiser now, and I know that denying one’s self of who they are — be it by denying sexuality or whatever — is punishment, and not progress.  A gay guy forcing himself to act straight doesn’t amuse me… it horrifies me.  I remember that pain, when I tried to play straight so that I wouldn’t get my ass kicked (or killed) where I grew up, and I wouldn’t choose to revisit it again, not for a single second.

  • Buddy Englett

    My thoughts would still send me to hell.

  • Buddy Englett

    My thoughts would still send me to hell.

  • Richard

    I love that from gay to straight he switched from the Wii to the XBox 360. Saying “Let’s play something on my Wii” is FAR TOO GAY.

  •  sorry… i’m sort of addicted to hair product and shower gel… and, uhm… i think i would also have to give up cooking with fresh herbs and most of the television/movies i watch… not to mention anita blake novels!!! omg!  no… sorry… i’m just too gay. 

  • TC Wilson

    He coulda avoided soft rock for one.  And seemingly avoiding straight women wasn’t going to accomplish anything.  Really amusing though.  At work, I try to “play it straight” because there’s no gender identity protection at Wally World (and they suggested voting AGAINST a policy for a recent share holders meeting) , but I still find myself staring at every college girl who walks by (oops for trying to do this while working at a store in a town with TWO colleges).

  • Tess

    dang, I couldn’t give up gay for a week let alone a month! Although I did repress it for many years. I just couldn’t imagine having to act straight all over again.