The winter holidays are a wonderful time of year when Christian conservatives leave behind their petty cultural squabbles to join humanity in a feel-good season of warmth and love. Haha, just kidding. It’s the time of year when conservative Christians get pissed at Starbucks for using non-religious-themed coffee cups. This year, Bible beaters are especially steamed because Starbucks put a lesbian couple holding hands in one of its holiday video ads. A Starbucks lesbian couple?! Cue the “War on Christmas” outrage!
Every holiday season, Starbucks rolls out a bunch of high-calorie winter drinks like Peppermint Mocha, Eggnog Latte and Holiday Spice Espresso. They then serve these drinks in innocuous cups that most people cover up with a cardboard sleeve.
But if you’re a hardcore Christian conservative, you thoroughly examine these cups for validation of your religious worldview. And if they don’t feature crucifixes, the Baby Jesus or Bible verses damning non-believers to hell, then it’s proof of corporations shoving their anti-Christian political worldview down your throats. Or something.
This year’s holiday cups have ribbons, trees, presents, stars, doves, snowflakes and two arms holding hands. Customers can color in the cups however they want to put their own unique take on the holidays. Seems innocuous enough, right?
But then came the video celebrating the cups, an ad that totally features a lesbian couple holding hands and gazing into each others’ eyes like they’re about to kiss.
Here’s the Starbucks lesbian holiday ad:
Maybe we’re just projecting, but they’re totally gonna kiss … and then dismantle all patriarchal consumerist holidays. Here’s a closeup of the Starbucks lesbian couple in case you missed it.
Naturally, Christian homophobes are not at all happy about the Starbucks lesbian couple (who could actually just be sisters or friends … or hardcore lesbians co-parenting eight adopted children). Either way, we are totally drinking up the haters’ displeasure like an Eggnog Latte.
The new Starbucks cup has lesbian couple on it. Rom 1:26 “because of this,God gave them over to shameful lust”…
— Jimmy H Peralez (@h_peralez) November 2, 2017
— Dr. Rich Swier (@drrichswier) November 17, 2017
@Starbucks looks like Starbucks is at it again… promoting gay and lesbian Christmas. Other than being seen at Starbucks not sure why anyone drinks their coffee… it’s burnt and sucks. #BoycottStarbucks
— Tim (@wave_slder) November 17, 2017
That "holiday" you are profiteering off of is a #christian one. Are you going to have pic of Muhammad on a Ramadan cup next? Or do you reserve your disdain for religion to Christianity?
— Taldren (@Paldren) November 17, 2017
Ban Starbucks for not supporting everyone and pushing one idealism upon us all! Just another Progressive Liberal company owner pushing their divisive agenda upon everyone who is not a liberal or may disagree with gay lifestyle. Let Liberals buy the cool aid from Starbucks! Ban!
— Michael Crowell (@Michael22973515) November 17, 2017
Why can't they just make an apolitical cup https://t.co/rLfTGJdleT
— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) November 17, 2017
This last tweet is especially golden considering that in 2015 Starbucks did release an “apolitical” holiday cup featuring only a red background and their green logo. And conservative Christians were still pissed about it, saying that Starbucks had removed “Christmas from their cups because they hate Jesus.”