The 7 Best Reaction Shots Of Academy Award Losers

It’s boring to win. Winners cry, which is also boring. Then they thank God, which is the worst, because if God hasn’t bothered to cure the world of blood diamonds or child slavery, he sure as shit isn’t concerned with who wins Best Supporting Actor.

Losing is where it’s at. And to lose big is to lose stylishly; so few people understand that, especially at the Academy Awards, where everyone on camera seems to have been coached by Bill Murray for maximum game face. That guy has it down.

Obviously it’d be most enjoyable if, while watching the Oscar telecast at home, one of the Not Winners had a total conniption shit-fit, their heads melting down Raiders of The Lost Ark-style while squirting out molten rage-tears. This, alas, never happens.

But every now and then the mask slips. We rounded-up some of the best slips and present them here now as award-winners examples of the best ways to lose an Oscar.

Best Genuine or Impeccably Faked Happiness For The Winner: Cate Blanchett


Are Marion Cotillard and Cate Blanchett super-pals cheering on each other’s every life accomplishment? That’s what we want to believe. It would make Blanchett’s Trilogy of Excitement Faces in this clip — 1) Shock, 2) Freezy-O, and 3) Wild Happiness with Hands-in-the-Air clapping – easier to explain. Alternate explanation: Blanchett is showing everyone that she really is the world’s greatest actress.

Best Intentional Oversell: Minnie Driver


Driver takes “Wow!” to the next level while losing to Kim Basinger, delivering a fluid serve that salvages incredulity by layering it with showy sportsmanship.

Best Nervous Wreck: Sally Kirkland


Kirkland — nominated in the same year Cher won for Moonstruck — looks like she might collapse from the stress. Until Cher wins. Then it’s all, “FUCK CHER.” Then, “Oh, shit, cameras.”

Sally Kirkland is all of us.

Best “Go Fuck Yourself” Slow-Clap: Burt Reynolds


The late Robin Williams wins for Good Will Hunting over Reynolds in Boogie Nights. Burt has very little invested in pretending to be happy. Can you blame him? The man gives the world Gator and White Lightning and this is how we repay him. Shame on us.

Best Shit: Samuel L. Jackson


Martin Landau wins. Samuel Jackson says “Shit.” This is why life sucked before YouTube and DVR rewind capability. See also: Jackson’s pointed eye-rolling after Mo’Nique’s acceptance speech for Precious (below).


Best Confusion Over a Winner’s Name That’s Also Your Name: Kathy Bates


Listening to Sean Connery speak English words isn’t an ear-challenge when he’s bringing his best elocution to the table. But when he’s not – for example, when he must differentiate between a woman named Kathy and a woman named Catherine, and one of them is about to win a major award – it can all turn baffling.

So Kathy Bates’ reaction above seems less “disgruntled” than “confused” when Connery mutters “Cathermmph,” not even bothering to give anyone another hint by saying the winner’s last name. Next, Bates cranes her neck to the left to see if it, indeed, is Zeta-Jones jumping out of her chair to collect the statue. It is. Bates serves poker for the rest of the moment.

Best One You Didn’t See: Eddie Murphy


That’s what aired. Look at Eddie Murphy. All smiles. It’s chill. He didn’t win. No pouts. A grown man. Gracious and accepting of everything life hands him. Then he walked out. Because there’s no rule that says you have to sit there for another two hours while everybody else in your movie who isn’t Jennifer Hudson gets shut down. Time to hit the bar.

  • Ashlei Kennybrew

    Brent Peterson great job on the first story!!

  • Derek Snitker

    great article!

  • ShowMeGuy

    Funny he should state *And I’ll take the heat for it.*         It is rumored to be very hot in Hell.

  • ShowMeGuy

    Wait, those ideas belong in nation built on freedom…..that kind of crap has no place in America.

  • Liliana Joo

    Well, that is an oxymoron if I ever saw one. 

  • dan

    jesus died for our sins, all mankind’s sins, so when we die we just ask forgiveness and we will be allowed into heaven, the person who thinks he has atoned for his/her sins already will not ask and end up in hell, so why ask now and why try to repent now, he who is without sin throw the first stone, all I see here is stones in the air even though the bible says all men are not without sin! take care of your own back yards people and allow happy kind people who do no harm to others live their lives, help those who need it and want it and ask you for help!

  • RedRider67

    Oh THANKS I’ll bear that in mind, it’s OK to be gay just so long as we adhere to your idea of “morals.” Self-hating much? ALL non-procreative sex is what they’re referring to which is ALL GAY SEX ALWAYS.  So it’s OK to be a homosexual so long as you don’t act on it. Ever. At all.

  • Ashley Valencia

    Disgusting, lying hypocrites. 

  •  ‎”More than 1,000 churches were destroyed after being struck by lightning last year. There is no record of a single gay bar being hit by lightning. Thanks Lord… I think you’ve made yourself abundantly clear.”

  • honestly , roll over and kiss your wife goodnight 

  • have you heard of a little thing called spray paint, just saying 

  • pddemarco1

    Which 1 of the 10 commandments was this one?   Duh???

  • pddemarco1

    I think the pastor needs to go back to bible study……..

  • pddemarco1

    WHAT????           Did Pastor David Heuring get caught having  sex with a young man also?????  
    Another one?  WOW!

  • ______

    I lived in Wilm for many years. I have lived in NC for 45 years and am well aware of the southern style of “Christianity”. No amount of talking will make these “Christians” think any different about homosexuality. They are bigots to the core, hypocrites and gossips.

     I can not count how many times I have been in discussions with one of them about homosexuality being a natural phenomena that has existed since the first humanoid.

    Its so easy for the church to throw a few letters up and spread their hate isn’t it? What a shame that church felt the need to attack a large portion of society based on their own fears and blame it on a ghost that doesn’t exist.

    How long will these cowards hide behind a book written by uneducated peasants thousands of years ago? When will  they think for themselves?

    I am hetero and Atheist. To them I am the biggest sinner of all.


  • Yes god died for our sins, but I am not gonna sit here and say or agree with that my being gay is a SIN. How is it a sin when we are born this way? We didnt ask to be gay, at least I know I didnt. Why would anyone choose this lifestyle of being hated for who you are? As far as a perverted lifestyle goes…. Hmmmm I tend to think all lifestyles are in a way peverted.

  • Joey Lopez

    to quote rachel ray “Yummo” he’s yummy 🙂