southern decadence, anti-gay, children

The Reverend Arrested For Jerking Off In Front Of Kids Is Sorry, Y’all

southern decadence, anti-gay, children
Shorty got low, low, low, low, low.

Cry me a river. And then pick up a paddle and get to rowing the heck out of our sight. We reported earlier in the week that the New Orleans Reverend famous for protesting the city’s Gay Pride festival, Southern Decadence, was arrested for masturbating while watching two children play in a public park in Metairie, Louisiana.

For some ungodly reason (See what we did there? Zing!), Reverend Grant Storms is giving curbside interviews about his arrest. Watch in equal parts horror and disbelief as he digs his hole deeper and deeper during his impromptu gab session. Our favorite part of the exchange goes a little something like this:

Reporter: You know Pastor, you’ve been very outspoken about gay people and about Southern Decadence.

Rev. Storms: And I apologize to them.

Reporter: Right. And you’ve used some really hateful rhetoric.

Storms: Sure.

Reporter: Do you understand the irony of you being here?

Storms: I understand the hypocrisy. I understand that clearly.

Storms blames his arrest on pride, so no, we’re going to go ahead and assume that he does not in fact understand anything clearly here. It wasn’t pride that got you arrested. It was masturbating in front of children. Bigots love to draw connections where none exist between homosexuality and pedophilia. Let’s throw “pride” in there, why don’t we? Pride: It will make you jerk off in front of children!

Do make sure to watch the part where Storms says, “I don’t think they seen me [sic] physically. I was real low in the van.” Nice! The only thing worse than the threat of man jerking off in front of kids is a man preying on them while camouflaging himself.

Storms told reporters, “I want to apologize and ask forgiveness.” Um…no. Forgiveness and the absolution of sin is something you God-fearing, church-going folk may believe in, but we gays know how to hold a grudge. And when you aggressively protest our Pride festivals, and hoot and holler about how we’re going to hell, we don’t forgive and we don’t forget.

Have fun spending the rest of your life alerting your neighbors that you’re a sex offender. Creep.

  • Ashley Valencia

    Eww. What is it with men of the cloth and children? Why can’t we have a normal god-fearing closet homosexual? Why are they also pedophiles? And I love how they want everyone’s forgiveness and yet are themselves incapable of forgiving anybody.

  • Umm. There are quite a few god-fearing -normal- homosexual Christians, some of them even ‘of the cloth’. Pastor + gay != pedophile any more than just being gay does. There are even entire church organizations dedicated to helping and supporting the LGBT community, through acceptance and understanding, not just ‘tolerance’. The Cathedral of Hope is one. We need to remember that the loudmouths who make the headlines are -not- the ‘norm’ of the Christian/Catholic faiths. They’re just the loudest, thus the ones we see more of.

  • Chris Marshall

    “Um…no. Forgiveness and the absolution of sin is something you God-fearing, church-going folk may believe in, but we gays know how to hold a grudge. And when you aggressively protest our Pride festivals, and hoot and holler about how we’re going to hell, we don’t forgive and we don’t forget.” You say it bro! Best quote ever.

  • Ashley Valencia

    …Yes thank you I’m not an idiot. I was referring to what is shown in the media not to what is actually out there. I wasn’t saying why aren’t there any, I was saying why do we never hear about those people – why do we only ever see the pedophiles. But thank you for your condescension.

  • Chris Marshall

    actually one of those people you would call Loud Mouth, is dear friends of mine. The Lephew family, you might know them as Depfox on Youtube. They are devout Christians, and they are always in the spotlight for their show, “ask a gay family.”

    As for loud mouth faiths who hate on gays, if they make the media, their message makes it into the homes of children who are LGBT, and the self-loathing starts there. Perhaps if you want to discount the power and money these hateful morons have, perhaps your church should do more outreach to be in the media just as much. I know many gay affirming churches in my area that do all they can for outreach, but at the same time, I know many more churches that are affirming that just keep to themselves and nobody knows about them. What good is a church for gays, when no gays know about it, especially the children who need it most? Praying to your god, isn’t going to bring members to your church, or stop the problems that people, like this asshole in the article, causes.

    Now Ashley… I highly doubt this man is homosexual. Almost all pedophiles are heterosexual. Unless he explicitly says he has romantic feelings for the same sex, sexual attraction, he is not homosexual. Pedophilia is not a sexual orientation it is a sexual kink to put it plainly. The reason why these people go after boys is because to them they see young boys as being more female.

  • Chris Marshall

    actually one of those people you would call Loud Mouth, is dear friends of mine. The Lephew family, you might know them as Depfox on Youtube. They are devout Christians, and they are always in the spotlight for their show, “ask a gay family.”

    As for loud mouth faiths who hate on gays, if they make the media, their message makes it into the homes of children who are LGBT, and the self-loathing starts there. Perhaps if you want to discount the power and money these hateful morons have, perhaps your church should do more outreach to be in the media just as much. I know many gay affirming churches in my area that do all they can for outreach, but at the same time, I know many more churches that are affirming that just keep to themselves and nobody knows about them. What good is a church for gays, when no gays know about it, especially the children who need it most? Praying to your god, isn’t going to bring members to your church, or stop the problems that people, like this asshole in the article, causes.

    Now Ashley… I highly doubt this man is homosexual. Almost all pedophiles are heterosexual. Unless he explicitly says he has romantic feelings for the same sex, sexual attraction, he is not homosexual. Pedophilia is not a sexual orientation it is a sexual kink to put it plainly. The reason why these people go after boys is because to them they see young boys as being more female.

  • Ashley Valencia

    I never said he was homosexual. I was (once again) referring to what the media shows us. However, that thing about young boys as more (I think you meant feminine not female) is actually a pretty good answer though I think the better answer is accessibility.