downlow, advice, secret, dl, caught

What Happens When You’re Caught Being On The DL

While it’s okay to be in the closet if you’re worried for your safety, we can’t really get behind being on the DL and lying to your current opposite-sex partner. Unfortunately, an anonymous Redditor found this out the hard way. Finallysaidit_26 posted to r/askgaybros with the following story:

Long time redditor. This is a throwaway, and either way its my first post. Mostly commented or upvoted. However, I’m currently going through a lot right now. I’m 26 years old, had a girlfriend, but I do have a 10 month old baby boy who lives with my ex. I finally got caught living a double life by my ex of 5 years, and I’m finally happy. She’s shocked and I’m currently staying at a motel-6, but shit…I’m so happy.

A little back story is that I grew up in a very machista (I don’t know the English equivalent) latino (Mom is Cuban dad is Dominican) household, and very Catholic to boot. A man being a womanizer is celebrated, a man being faithful and gay isn’t. Sad, but it’s reality. So I’ve always had repressed thoughts. I worked out and gained muscle not just to attract women, but also because part of me knew that’s what I found attractive. Ever since I was in high school I’d juggle 2-3 women at a time. But I’d also low key be on sites like A4A (starting at 17) and on late nights be some guys “muscle boy” for a few hours. Part of me decided not to come out because I know gay men love the fantasy/role play of a married/straight man. I’m smarter than I look, and I get off on the secrecy as well. But I’d tell myself I was straight. I fucked quite a handful of men. From other masculine bros to even a queen fem twink boy. And I have zero regrets. Looking back, I’m glad I had these experiences, I learned I’m open minded.

The other night….my gf at the time opened a message as she was handing me her phone. She legit accidentally opened the file and it was this twink with his boyhole spread wide and the text “I miss your straight cock”. It started a huge fight and discussion. She’s not mad I’m gay. Just mad and furious I lied to her for all these years. I sympathize with her, but she doesn’t trust me. She’s still upset but She’s not willing to throw me off her life.

So my question: for those of you in the situation, what should I do from now? What should I expect? It’s a bit trickier now that I have a kid. I know, but….it’s bittersweet. For older gay bros….how did y’all deal with your double life becoming one?

TL;DR: I’m a DL bro who got caught. Now I’m out and happy. But….I had a gf and a son. What now? What to do?!

Most of the comments involved the son.  From youremyfather:

Remind her that she did nothing wrong, for the love of gay jebus stay in that child’s life and keep in contact. You may have gotten an easy way out but that doesn’t give you a free pass to ditch everything, you still have responsibilities.

Thankfully, the original poster reiterated that he loves his child and plans to be there for him no matter what.

Once the child was taken care of, other commenters congratulated the poster for finally being honest with himself. From Isimagen:

First: Congratulations. It was necessary even if unplanned.

Now, you live an authentic life. Don’t go back in the closet. There is no shame in being who you are. And trust me, no one truly believed the straight boy was fucking them! lol That was all fantasy for both sides.

Now you take the “gift” and use it to live your life and set an example for your son that is NOT like what you got. Teach him there’s no shame in someone being gay, bi, or whatever. Be the man you want him to be by being yourself and living true.

From DrDingudForrester:

Apologize to the girl you’ve been lying to all these years, regardless of what you’ve been going through, she didn’t deserve to be deceived like that, she isn’t a prop in your life to shield yourself from homophobia because you are too “macho” to man up to loving dick and care what other people think.

Other than that, Congrats on coming out, and what I would do from there is start telling friends/ family so you don’t feel the need to live a double life.

The good news is the original poster ended the thread by saying that he’s indeed apologized to his girlfriend:

It’s stupid. We’ve been texting and calling each other all day. She’s shocked but she knows the upbringing I got. She can understand but she feels lied to. I told her I’m sorry and I’ll be with her and son but not as a lover. As a father. I feel like an asshole but at the same time I’m glad I got caught.

She mentioned that a lot is starting to make sense. Whatever that means.

What advice do you have for the poster, or anyone else in a similar situation? Leave your advice in the comments!

(Featured image via Fayez)