In a clever bit of PR for their upcoming TV show, the producers of The Muppets have announced a break-up between Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, a couple that has been together for nearly 40 years since their first kiss in the 1981 film The Great Muppet Caper. Understandably, many adoring fans have expressed heartbreak over their split, but let us remind you that they were in an abusive relationship, so save your tears, folks.
Miss Piggy used to slap and karate chop Kermit pretty regularly, even during their variety show in the ’80s. Oh sure, Miss Piggy would often shower Kermit with kisses afterwards, but that’s some Ike and Tina mess right there.
In all likelihood, the two of them will end up together sometime after the September 22 premiere of The Muppets on ABC. But is that something we should celebrate? Perhaps they should just stay broken up and go get some counseling: Miss Piggy could resolve her anger issues (perhaps by mentoring child kickboxers) and Kermit could rebuild his self-esteem and finally end up with someone who makes it a bit easier being green.
F’real Kermit, stop trying to save that pig — this isn’t Charlotte’s Web.