This Gay Sex Therapist Claims Sex Between Straight Men Is Just ‘A Guy Thing’
Dr. Joe Kort is fascinating. An openly gay sex therapist, coach and author, he has recently been making waves with his TikTok videos where he gives advice, answers questions and explains how men who have sex with one another can still be straight. Because clearly we have reached the “words have no meaning anymore” portion of this pandemic.
All jokes aside, here’s one of his videos, bizarrely shot in a gym, with the description “#Straightmen can be with a man and still be straight.”
@drjoekort
He begins by saying, “Do you know that straight men can have sex with men and not be gay? They can. … Straight men can be attracted to the sex act, but not to the man.”
He continues: “Straight men having sex with men doesn’t cancel someone’s heterosexuality.”
To which we ask: What, then, does? If the good doctor were making a case to do away with labels altogether, there could be some merit in that argument. It would at least be relatively understandable. However, Kort doesn’t seem to be doing that at all. In fact, it feels like he’s double-downing on labels instead, putting an emphasis on them without diving into why they’re so important or necessary for us as a whole.
In another video, Dr. Joe Kort claims that “when straight men have sex with men, it’s not a gay thing, it’s a guy thing.”
@drjoekort When #straight #men sleep with men it’s a #gay thing not a guy thing. #lgbtq #sexuality #sexualfluidity
He does continue on to make an … interesting comparison: that when gay men have sex with women, it doesn’t erase their sexuality, and that they’re still gay. Yes. Got it.
Except somehow he fails to mention that homosexuality is linked to years of ostracization and oppression, and is still illegal in many parts of the world. Internalized homophobia is a very real and very serious barrier LGBTQ folks go through.
On the other hand, there’s no such thing as “internalized heterophobia.” No one feels the need to hide in a straight closet because they’re afraid of the reaction they’ll receive if they come out as heterosexual — because no one ever needs to ‘come out’ as heterosexual. The comparison between compulsory heterosexuality (i.e. sleeping with a member of the opposite sex because it’s not the safe, comfortable or right time for you to be your authentic self) and “straight dudes sleeping together for fun” to prove a point that sex doesn’t inform your sexuality is a little ridiculous.
It’s no surprise that Joe Kort’s videos have gotten a lot of traction and have opened up a heated discussion online on what sexuality is and isn’t. The doctor has been called a “pandering heteronormative quack” and accused of perpetuating bi erasure. There has, however, also been some interesting debate around semantics, labels and fluidity.
Most likely, Joe Kort is trying to garner attention with his somewhat radical stance. And it’s working! But whether or not we necessarily agree with his ideas does not inform whether or not we can have a more productive conversation about sexuality, our individual understanding of it and the space, need for or obsolescence of labels in our lives.
